what the fuck. i slept most of the daylight away. woke up part of the way through to vomit whatever it was that needed vomiting out, out. when i was done hugging the toilet i pulled back the blinds to see a grey sky and noticed it was raining like, fucking awesome. after that it was a sleep-a-thon, smoked a bowl and passed out. problem is i forgot to do a couple of things. like laundry? fuck it whatever. who do i have to impress?
mike can spin forever on his skateboard now. i never appreciated the stupid kids on skateboards when i was younger/older…. never saw it as something nice to do. it’s funny! i swear, there is actually something pretty in badly lit loading docks and shit! sweating in the cold is enjoyable. we make a lot of noise. it’s still wet from the rain today. but not cold enough to see our breath.
i feel like there’s more that i should be doing. but sleep! oh sleep! what would i do if it weren’t for sleep? i know i don’t remember my dreams, but i’m having them right? rainy days are for sleep. but normally i think the accepted manner is sleeping with someone. so… fuck, i mean, whatever, mind as well just sleep then. my lack of activity is my own problem. i set myself up this way. i don’t subscribe to certain widely accepted ideals and schools of thought. and it puts me in some weird places. like with days off, and responsibility. and those weird things.
what should i be doing? i read. i write. a lot. i make music. i work. i don’t waste much of my time. i think. i think so much. i think more than i think i should. hahahaha, come on, i’m serious! there’s so much in the world right now that doesn’t even deserve to exist. how many of you would be fine with just living in the woods alone for the rest of your lives?
and if not, why not?
what do we really need? how much of what we think we need have we just decided we need? do we need amps and video cameras, and tvs, and cinema screens and drums and books?
i don’t know. if i did i think i’d be somewhere else.
i’ve also been smoking since i woke up, which means i’ve prolly got about 10 or 11 bowls in my lungs.
accountablity goes out the window around then, you know?